Inner Strength and Courage Through Pain and Anxiety



courage

Just for today…I  will live with courage and passion.  This was to be added to my daily mantras this week.  I had no idea how much I would need this mantra until this morning.
Last week, I had a few bouts of anaphylaxis due to an inactive ingredient in a medication.  This caused my body to go into tonic spasms and my body to twist into very unnatural positions.  With osteoporosis, lupus, and mast cell disease, my bones can fracture easily, bones can fracture with bending, twisting, lifting, reaching…so during this spasm, four of the ribs on my right side fractured.
In the upcoming days, I did quite a bit of meditation, Reiki (both self-treatment and an in person session), and the pain subsided quite a bit.  I thought I was healing, and at this time, I was unaware that the bones were fractured…I thought the muscles were just pulled or the ribs “slipped” out of place, and this is why the pain was easing so quickly.
Two days ago I turned over in my sleep, onto my right side and was jolted awake with a sharp “POP POP POP”…the pain was…intense.  I thought I did the same thing again, just reinjured the same area by twisting in my sleep.  I did more Reiki, used ice (as swelling in that area was increasing), and tried to stay as still as possible.
This morning, however, the pain was just too much for me to handle, and I had to know if it was coming from my spine or my ribs (since it radiates from my back to front).  My Mom and I had to take a picture of the sign in the Emergency Room, of their “goals”, as we found it both amusing and sad…
The first goal on the list was to have a “quick discharge”, then safety, pain management is at the bottom of the list and patient care is no where to be found.  We were in the ER for three hours to find out I had fractured ribs that cannot be treated.  Although I was offered pain medication, I cannot take them due to allergic reactions…so I was sent home with the instructions to rest and restrict movement for about six weeks as the bones heal.
As many of us with chronic illness, it took quite a bit of courage to GO to the ER in the first place. I have had many horrific experiences there in the past.  I have had to let them go…but for when they come back and cause anxiety, I do a grounding  technique…
I close my eyes, take a breath, and then open my eyes and focus on one thing in front of me and say to myself, “I am safe, I am breathing, nothing bad is going to happen to me.”.  I keep repeating this until the old memories get pushed to the back of my mind, where I visualize a filing cabinet.  I then lock those memories in that cabinet, as they are no longer needed.  By this time, the anxiety has passed.
For the next few weeks, I will be doing quite a bit of visualizations, Reiki, and meditations…My inner strength WILL get me through this pain!
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