Living with multiple chronic illnesses, I have gotten into a BAD habit of both apologizing for, and trying to explain why my illnesses are REAL and not “in my head”. This was pointed out to me today, once again, after I asked a question in a support group about how to use Reiki techniques to clear yet another sinus/upper respiratory infection.
I made it quite clear that due to my chronic illnesses, that I could not ingest anything (other then the antibiotics that I am already taking), or use scented anything…and I hoped beyond hope that not only would I be respected enough for the people in the group to respond with only Reiki (or other energy techniques). Some did…but other people questioned whether I was “emotionally blocked” and that was the reason for my illnesses…sigh…
This is where I should have let it go…not responded…but I did. I tried to explain that my immune system is compromised due to multiple autoimmune diseases and histamine release (mast cell disease) issues, that are causing the problem, and that autoimmune diseases run in my family. This led to even more posts about past hurts and emotions. This is where I DID stop responding. Once was enough.
I told my Mom what I wrote and she asked why I felt the need to keep defending myself to everyone. The truth is, over the past 16 years, I have gotten used to apologizing…”so sorry I have to cancel AGAIN because I am too sick/fatigued/in the hospital to attend”. I have become even more used to defending myself…I defend my illness to new doctors, in support groups, to friends, teachers…etc.
I think many “spoonies” can relate to this…and we need to stop! The people who matter the most will ALWAYS understand and love us! When we say that we are sick/not feeling well/are in pain, they will ask how they can help, lend an ear or offer words of comfort…not judgment.
So this is not only my goal, but my new mantra for this week as I cope with yet another sinus infection… accept my situation and love those who accept me for ME!